Just call me chubby (I mean FAT)!!

by Momma / Cowgirl - 11/01/2009 09:29:00 PM

So, I am to the point where I totally hate myself! I AM FAT! I am embarrassed at letting myself get this way. I am saying now," I wished I had done something to lose weight when I was a FAT 140 lbs". I certainly do not want to be saying at , lets say 170, that I wished I had done something when I was an even fatter 160 lbs.. So, I have to eat healthier, no sweets and exercise more!!! I write this here to get my motivation going. I am sharing with you some pictures of me over the last 20 years. I hope by me seeing these pics, I will keep myself in line!

So it begins.... Here I was with my mother, I was 34 yrs old and weigh 121 lbs (my six kids are ages 14 yrs down to 3 yrs old). I did pretty good. I weighed 98 lbs when I got pregnant with my 1st son. I got back down to 106 after he was born, then got pregnant when he was 3 months old and lost that baby, but kept the 10 lbs I had gained before getting pregnant again, then after my 2nd son (who is 18 months younger then my first born), I just could not seem to get below 119 to 121 lbs. I did however get down to the 121 lbs mark after each and every child.

I was 39 here, I was about 122 lbs, not too bad, (my kids are now 19 yrs old down to 8). I had been doing a ton of running around to football, baseball, cheerleading and so forth keeping up with the kids,
I am sure this is why I was able to
keep my weight down.
(as you can tell... I am little,

I am 5 ft 1 1/2" tall)

I was 40 here, my daughter is 12,
we are in Florida at Disney World
for a cheerleading competition
(Her sqaud won 3rd from all of the united states)!! I think I was maybe 125 lbs then.

There was less kids sports practices and events to run around for.

<--------------------I was 43 here and....

Slowly, but surely ... packing it on!

I was up to 132 lbs here.

I am 45 here, and a I actually lost a few

pounds, I think I was down to about 128.

Then I discovered a wonderful food called

ravioli in Alfredo sauce.
A coworker got me hooked on it
and it became my lunch 3 times a week
and I gained at least 10 lbs.

I moved to Arizona and vowed to lose weight.

I didn't! (not YET anyway).

Here I am at 47 and weighing in at a

whopping 142 lbs.

Swearing that I must lose weight!

Here I am at 48 1/2 and have gained some.

I weigh 148 here.
(geez... more than just pudgy that is for sure!!!)

Unfortunately I gained more and stayed at about 155 to 161 for about 10 months.

Then....

When I was a real estate agent,

I had 2 tremendously stressful

deals that took so much out of me,

I lost 20 lbs in 4 weeks.

Here I am at 49.

I was down to 138 again,
I was unhealthy in that I just didn't eat and I was losing my hair, my nails
got week. Amazing what terrible things stress can do to a body.
I got thru the real estate deals and I was.feeling better about myself.

Luckily

I kept all that weight off for a year!! Yeehaw

But ... I am getting older, my metabolism is not what it used to be.

Here I am sometime in my 50th year.

I went through menopause (oh joy!)
And with menopause came several things, my thyroid was
whacked. I became anemic.

((luckily my menopause symptoms,
(the hot flashes and weight gain)
only lasted about 2 weeks, thank goodness))

BUT, and this is a big but.... I gained 15 lbs in those 2 weeks.

So, now I am back up to almost 155 lbs

and I am hating myself!!!

What to do????

Well, eat of course!

So, 2+ years later and

here I am again hitting over 160 on the scale! I don't want to confess to
exactly how much over 160, but it is less than 165........

In other words

FAT!!!

So, here I sit vowing to lose weight. I tell myself
I have to lose 40 lbs, so that if I gain back half of it, it won't be too bad.

BUT.... I want to lose it all right now!!!!

OK, I know what I need to do, and

because I wrote this for all to see,

I am going to start today to lose weight!
Hey, I am off to a good start.... I haven't eatin' anything for7 hours,
but of course it is 11:15 at night.
LOL

I have a dental appointment tomorrow, they will be doing a lot of dental work,
so this may be a good head start... I will be too
sore to eat much, if anything.

Check back with me, I will update as I lose it.

(and I don't mean my mind)

hahaha!

Momma/Cowgirl

Tags :

5 comments

Tammy VasaNovember 2, 2009 at 6:10 AM
Are there any challenges that age doesn't bring us? I saw the weight creep on after childbirth, after quitting smoking, after turning 40... Almost 2 yrs ago, I got control. Joined Weight Watchers, joined Curves. Wow. Diet and Exercise! Who'd of thunk? LOL! I managed to take off 37 pounds and felt better than I felt in years. Maybe ever.

But unlike quitting smoking - when one day you just don't crave it anymore - you need food. And the alfredos and the cheesecakes come to mind! This time of year, it's anything pumpkin for me!

After I lost the intial 37, I never stayed there. Lingered around 2 to 3 pounds over that goal. And I was okay with that. But today I find myself 7 pounds over and it scares me. Doesn't take long for the pumpkin bars to catch up with me. However, this time of year (holidays coming up & all) is hard.

Several of my horse friends and I started a Yahoo group for weight loss. To encourage each other thru the holidays. I'm not sure its going to be enough. May have to start going to WW again. But I vowed I will not go back to where I was.

Good luck to you. Sounds like you are in the right mind to get it done!
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AKPonyGirlNovember 2, 2009 at 11:18 AM
Good for you for recognizing it now and not waiting until you have more weight to lose.

There are a couple of sites I'd recommend:

sparkpeople.com is an extremely supportive site with all sorts of resources for not just weight loss but nutrition and exercise. My friend Wild Horse Annie is there.

http://cowboyslovefatcalves.blogspot.com/
is a group of horse women who are fighting the same battle.

Good luck. Post often about the small triumphs.
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Carroll FarmNovember 2, 2009 at 8:05 PM
Hey, welcome to the losers boat! I started in July at 172 (and I am 5ft tall) and couldn't take it anymore. Today I weighed in at 135! I exercise 4 to 5 times a week and watch my calories. You can do it!!
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Momma / CowgirlNovember 5, 2009 at 11:34 AM
thank you all so much for the umph of encouragement! I need it bad! AKPony girl, I will check out that blog today!
It is easier when one is not alone trying to lose, but it is hard when your man is just fine with you the way you are... LOL
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AnonymousNovember 6, 2009 at 1:34 PM
It's not just women! I've been fighting the bulge for years...
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